mother of the bride

Mother of the Bride – Do’s and Don’ts

 

I’m a wedding planner, but I’m also the Mother of the Bride, aka MOB. Over the last 5 years, I’ve planned many weddings but there’s something different about helping to plan my daughter’s wedding.  Oh, the logistics are the same.  We still need a venue, a caterer, flowers, guest list and invitations.  But each decision is personal and there is that little bit of panic to “get it right”.

I talk to my brides about tradeoffs between the size of their wedding, budget and what’s important to make their day special.   Now I’m asking my daughter those question and trying to juggle the answers within our budget.  As the mother of the bride, I’m also balancing wanting to be helpful without taking over the planning.

So, I’m sharing the tips I share with the mothers of the brides that I work with (plus they are good reminders to myself!). Here are a few do’s and don’ts to remember as you help your daughter plan her wedding.

Mother of the Bride Do’s:

  • Ask, don’t tell.
    • Ask your daughter what she would like and what is important to her and her fiancé.
    • Ask how you can help. “What would you like me to do?” “What would you like to do yourselves?” “Let me know if you need help with that.” “Let me know if there is anything I can do for you both.”  She might want you super involved, or she could want you to take a back seat.
  • Give praise, reinforce the decisions the bride and groom have made and let them know how happy and excited you are.
  • Be organized.
    • Meet deadlines. Make sure you provide names and addresses on time so the bride doesn’t have to follow up.  Also, keep the bride up to date on any address changes that you are aware of.
    • If you are paying or helping to pay for the wedding, ask for a list of deadlines for deposits, interim payments and final payments so you can plan and make the payments on time.
  • Tell her you’re there for whatever she needs and then wait to see if she asks for help.
  • Support your daughter, be there when she needs to cry, vent, talk or just sit quietly. But you already know all this… you’re her mom!
  • Take you daughter out to lunch or get mani pedis. Help her get away from wedding planning for a little bit.
  • Enjoy the day. Wear COMFY shoes, especially if you plan on dancing.

Mother of the Bride Don’ts:

  • Don’t offer your opinion unless asked.
  • When giving feedback, don’t be sarcastic, condescending or critical. Approach from a genuine curiosity.  “Can you tell me more about the timeline for the wedding day?”
  • Don’t take over the show. Remember it’s their wedding.  Even if you are paying for the wedding.
  • If the bride says no, then don’t do it, don’t buy it and don’t keep asking about it. Even if you think it is a great idea or would work well. This is not your vision.

Lastly, relax, you’ve got this.  You have raised a strong, confident daughter and she has chosen a wonderful man to walk through life with.

If you have any questions or some great ideas to share with other Brides or Mothers of the Bride, please comment below.  We can all learn from each other!

Blue Skies!

Connie

PS If you need help planning your wedding, please contact us at Blue Skies Wedding Planning.  We offer virtual wedding planning packages that we customize to your needs.  We can help you as little or as much as you want.


 

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4 thoughts on “Mother of the Bride – Do’s and Don’ts”

  1. Ask, don’t tell! That is such an important one. So many times I hear the MOB say “I want this” or “We need to do it that way.” It makes me stop and think… who’s wedding is this? The tricky part is if the MOB is paying a lot towards the wedding. It’s hard not to have her opinion then.

    1. ConnieCarmichael

      I agree, it is a very delicate balancing act. I coach my brides to think about their “must haves”, their “nice to haves” and “Don’t wants”. The “nice to haves” are the items that couples can compromise on. Sometimes there are difficult conversations that the couple need to have… for example if MOB thinks the garter toss is really important and the couple doesn’t want a garter toss, the couple should explain why they are uncomfortable. It’s really about open, honest communication.

      Blue Skies!!

  2. Such great advice. My friend is getting married soon and i’ll be sharing this with her as she has little bit of a struggle with this right now!

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